An Impostor's Question

Are you more afraid of...

Looking like a fool while swimming?

OR

Looking bad in a swimming suit?

This is what plagues me on this rainy Friday evening. I signed up for a swim clinic to improve my weakest triathlon link. I've known about this clinic for a few weeks now and have not been excited about it from the beginning. Sure, I know it's the right thing to do. I know I need it. I know that everyone else who has signed up is likely in the same boat, or one that at least looks similar. Hell, my husband signed up and "he's good at everything."

But then the reality happens. It's a 2-hour drive. It's an outdoor pool. It's going to be raining. I will be videotaped.

There are people out there who are TRUE triathletes. Not just people who complete a designated swim/bike/run to check it off the bucket list. These people live triathlons -- their workouts, their diets, their lifestyle. I am not one of these people. So maybe I've got a bit of the Impostor Syndrome going on here. I like to do triathlons for fun, for camaraderie with friends, a common thread with my husband, as motivation for my workouts (note: this motivation mainly lies in being able to eat and drink what I want -- and to look reasonable in a swimming suit). I'm competitive by nature, so I do them to compete with myself and get better each time, but I'm no die-hard. That's what I'm getting at.

So, as I continue my week-long commitment to no-carbs-except-red-wine diet on this Friday evening, I contemplate the fear that is before me. I am confident I won't be the worst swimmer, nor will I look the worst in my swimming suit. Even if I am, I have committed and I will finish the clinic and my training will benefit from it. That's what I keep telling myself.

Which do you fear more?